You're driving down the road to your favorite Target to pick up "just one thing" for the weekend. From your driveway, you exit cautiously and stay on the correct side of the road to give other drivers space to pass. As you prepare to stop, you turn on your signal and wait for your opportunity to turn. For the next few miles, you stay between the limit lines on the street. Maybe your road is a solid yellow, indicating you have no opportunity to pass or cross over: causing you to remain patient as you drive behind some actually going 25 mph. Or, maybe you're on a dotted white line road and have multiple lanes to flit through as you jam to your 90's playlist. You're alert, and the drive is somewhat relaxing, although you have to avoid a few drivers who are going too fast or testing their cars’ speed. For the entire drive, you follow directional lanes, and traffic lights and eventually you arrive at Target, and park in between two lines before enjoying your shopping experience.
Now, imagine that same drive without the limit lines.
While you might try to stay on one side of the road or on one path, the truth of the matter is, your drive would be a harrowing experience of avoiding others, mixed with trying to find the right road to get you there. There would be no traffic light to slow down the moving lanes, no stop signs to give someone else the right of way, and no speed limits to keep the pace of the road manageable. Instead of enjoying your tunes and occasionally getting frustrated by a slow driver, your experience would turn into a white-knuckle ride to the store, an even more frustrating experience trying to park (since there are no lines to tell us where to go!) and by the time you get into Target, you forget what you even went for. Good for your wallet, but horrible for your safety.
Now, think about that in terms of your life.
Our limit lines are the boundaries to which we adhere as we navigate our day-to-day operations. Our limit lines help keep us emotionally regulated, consistent, and productive. Different from Comfort Zone (which, in this scenario would be avoiding the drive together and ordering things in your underwear from Amazon), limit lines help guide you as you navigate this road called life. There are moments that move at a slow pace, moments where you can navigate freely between two or three lanes and moments where you take risks. You will find yourself on new roads along the way, and this is all regulated by moments or situations that help you pause, or even take a break.
When we live outside our limit lines too long, we lose sight of everything that matters to us. We become beholden to thought spirals that impact everyone in our path. We experience burnout and emotional exhaustion. We lose sight of how to communicate clearly and instead find ourselves rash in our day-to-day interactions.
Living outside our limit lines can be caused by stress from work or personal turmoil. These are all things we cannot avoid, even if we try, and it's how we come back from those moments that matter most. As you practice boundaries, getting back to your emotionally regulated space becomes easier. The harder moments will redefine your limit lines as you move forward.
Setting limits in your life can be challenging, especially if you've become used to always saying "yes". Self-awareness and setting clear lines become easier with practice. There will be moments when someone crosses your limit lines. Most times, this is unintentional because of a lack of clear communication. Other times, it may be intentional, with someone pushing against your boundary to fulfill their own needs- put those people in a space that separates you from them until you have enough time to process it.
It is never too late to sit with yourself and define your boundaries. When you do, you will find yourself more calm, more clear, and more driven to achieve your ultimate dreams. Your boundaries will help you find determination. Do not be afraid to start new, and find your pace.
xx,
L
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