“Aunt Leanne, I can’t do it. I’m afraid of heights, and you have to climb up a net to get to the slide. I’m afraid I’ll fall.”
“I understand; let’s go to the other side of the playground to the other slide.”
“But I want to go down that slide!” he says, pointing to the slide with the net entrance.
“Then you have to climb the net. Don’t worry. We’ll be here to help.”
“You promise I won’t fall?” he asks, taking my hand.
“I promise that if you do, I’ll catch you,” I say, squeezing his little hand. I’m unsure if that’s the proper response, but it’s honest.
“Don’t worry, Carter. I was scared too, but it’s not that bad! I’ll go first to help you.” his older brother, Adio, says.
Adio takes off to climb the net, and I tell the youngest to wait at the bottom of the slide to cheer Adio and Carter on. At three years old, he tried the net climb earlier, fell, and found something else to entertain himself—three kids with different personalities.
Carter and I follow Adio to the base. Once Adio is at the landing, he turns around to watch Carter. After a quick headcount, I turn to Carter again. “Are you ready?” I ask him as he lets go of my hand. “Yeah! I’m gonna do it!” he exclaims back.
And with that, he’s off. Carefully, he grabs the rope in front of him and starts to ascend. Matteo is watching from the bottom of the slide, shaking his little arms while exclaiming, “Go!” Above Carter, Adio is telling him which rope to step on next.
Carter reaches the middle part of the climb and pauses. I see his legs shaking and step closer. He turns to me and says, “I’m scared I’m going to fall.” I gently touch his back and say, “You got this far without falling- you can do the rest.” He looks up again, realizing he’s closer to the top than he thinks. He makes two final moves, and he’s at the landing. All three of us erupted in cheers, and after a victory lap, the two oldest boys climbed up that net ladder six more times before we left the park.
I was so proud of all three of my nephews at that moment. Adio was an incredible leader, Carter conquered his fear, and Matteo knew his limits and was so supportive.
It was an afternoon that taught me an invaluable lesson: leap, your net will appear (and you’ll have so much fun, too.)
I recently leaped: I met with Sarah Fey from Writers at Work. Salt, with Soul, is approaching two years old, becoming one of my life's most consistent creative endeavors. If Q1 was dedicated to being present at our wedding, Q2 is about elevating my creativity and pursuing my dream of being a full-time writer.
I’ve been taking courses from Writers at Work on and off, and I find Sarah one of the most relatable "teachers” online. In our 30-minute conversation, Sarah gave me tangible ideas, encouraging feedback, and curated advice.
I came off the call re-energized—hopeful—even. Just having that call broke a pattern I’ve followed many times before. A past version of Leanne would have skipped the call and ate the loss of payment because she was too afraid of the vulnerability of feedback. In a culture driven by instantaneous results, I lived by the motto that if it wasn’t working, move on—or, at least, that’s what I convinced myself I was doing.
The truth of that pattern is that I would get close and then become too scared to follow through. The vulnerability of putting myself- or my work- out there became a chokehold, and I thought that to breathe again, I had to let fear win. I had to run away and avoid the “thing” that scared me.
Of course, that’s not true. Fear will always enter when we least expect it. Typing this right now, my inner monologue is something like this:
“Is this becoming too long?”
“No, Sarah said it’s okay to write long articles- give yourself to the reader.”
“This isn’t something people want to read about! No one is as insecure as you are!”
“Maybe. Or, maybe sharing this will remind at least one person it’s worth leaping. Just keep writing.”
The emotion of being afraid is a big one to handle, but it doesn’t carry more weight than any other we experience. We are meant to feel a sliding range of emotions, sometimes all at once, but how we react controls the outcome- not the emotion itself.
We must leap toward our fear and trust that a net will appear in life. It will come in the form of community support, family to catch you if you fall, and opportunities that are only available after we conquer the fear itself, like riding down the most giant and swirly slide at the park.
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