WITH SOUL
I didn’t write to you all last week. And, as I sit here, picking blueberries out of my fruit pack from my Whole-30 adjacent lunch, I realized just how much of a phase life is.
You might be wondering, “how in the world do the two connect, Leanne?”, and you’re not wrong to wonder. When I was a young girl, I could not eat any berries because I was allergic to them. I would break out in hives, my throat would get itchy, and it got so bad that I couldn’t even eat yogurt with a flavoring of a berry. It was a phase of my life that I carried until around 25- I assumed once allergic I was always allergic, but on one particularly brazen afternoon seven years ago, I had a strawberry. The world didn’t stop. I didn’t need an epi-pen injection, there were no hives or itchy throat. I just… enjoyed the fruit.
Suddenly, 20+ years of conditioning were out the window, and now I could open the door to a “berry” exciting assortment of new foods to eat. Blackberries, strawberries, blueberries; they’re all in my repertoire now.
This brings me back to my initial analysis: life is just a series of phases that we’re conditioned to believe in. What if I never had that strawberry? I would never have been able to make this blackberry crumble. I would have spent my entire life with the conditioning that I, Leanne Gelish, could never eat a berry. I would go all my years without experiencing the deliciousness of one of nature’s most natural gifts to us. Now, every time I buy an overpriced bundle of blackberries (seriously, what an expense, haha) I’m grateful I can eat them because there was a time in my life when I couldn’t.
Imagine if you looked at what was holding you back and realized that those thoughts are just a series of conditioning brought onto you by your experience within life thus far. We are not born into a life where we are not whole. In fact, in every culture a baby is born with innocence and is whole: it’s what happens as they grow that chips away at their purpose. It’s that first rejection, nature and nurture moments, the first troll, body issues, health issues, and various other challenges that make us doubt our purpose and what makes us whole. Frankly, it takes a lot to work to be whole again, too.
We each believe in something different and some of us don’t believe in anything at all, which is something I respect because we each have our own journey. For the purpose of bringing understanding to this stream of the conscious newsletter, I believe that there is a God but that we are guided more by our universe and spirit guides. Which, I am sure a theologian would have a field day with because at its core it’s a bit contradictory, but in my experience, I’m a new testament Jesus lover and I believe Jesus was an open man who walked this earth and would probably subscribe to a similar thought process.
Eight years of Catholic education opened my eyes to the thought that someone had to be doing some serious peyote to believe a man could die and come back; but the symbolism of Easter and being reborn, which all of us can and do experience, is important to recognize on our journeys. And, that’s just it, isn’t it? Each phase of our lives is part of our journey to reaching our higher selves. For Jesus, that meant the ultimate sacrifice and a few days later, he received the ultimate reward: he reached his highest purpose. For us, I believe each phase of our lives brings us closer to becoming whole again. A piece of us has to die in order to be reborn again. And, in each moment where we are reborn, we re-create the narrative. We become one step closer to realizing what our souls are here for.
Look at the things you want most in life but are afraid to go after and now ask yourself “why”? Why are you holding yourself back from taking that leap and fulfilling what your dream will make you feel most whole? What if, tonight, you decided to break out of a conditioned belief you’ve held onto and just took a leap of faith? Would you regret trying or never trying more?
It’s something I certainly grapple with: more so now than ever before. My soul is restless and that restlessness surfaces in interesting ways. The more I ask myself “why”, the more I dig deep into doing the hard work of unearthing those micro-aggressions that hold me back, in an effort to manifest the life I want and deserve. Trust me, I don’t have my journey figured out yet. And, sometimes my anxiety looks like pretending I have it all together. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of pretending. I want to learn to let go and flow.
Right now, that looks like Tinder but for life choices. I’m trying new things and swiping left and right as I experience them. Interestingly enough, the one thing my soul keeps favoriting is this space right here. Writing is what makes my heart leap. I can know that but still be scared AF (I try not to curse because Nancy Gelish is the #1 subscriber here and she really hates when I drop those F-bombs. And since I already humanized Jesus today, I don’t need to offend her a second time)
Which is why I didn’t write to you all last week. I was scared.
I might have swiped left on you last week, friends but you’re always on my favorite list.
WITH SALT
I don’t have a photo for you this week, friends. Mainly because I am not eating anything with too much sugar at the moment. It’s been an interesting 15 days but what I can say is that I was WHOLEHEARTEDLY over-eating prior to August 1st. I’m grateful for this little eating journey I’m on, to be honest.
But, with that, I want to share one of my favorite desserts to make: My Blackberry Crumb cake. Not to brag, but my crumb cake is the GOAT and adding a blackberry reduction only makes it better.
This recipe is simple but will make everyone smile. Just add a little ice cream right before serving (oh, and warm it in a microwave)
INGREDIENTS
2 tablespoons of canola oil
2 tablespoons of apple sauce
4 cups of unbleached all purpose flour
¾ cup granulated sugar
2 ½ teaspoons of baking powder
½ teaspoon of salt
1 egg
½ cup milk
1 cup brown sugar
3 tablespoons of ground cinnamon
1 cup of butter, melted and cooled
1 package of blackberries
1 orange
lemon juice
PREPARING THE BLACKBERRIES
Grab granulated sugar, lemon juice, an orange, and a case of blackberries
Heat your skillet to a low/medium heat
Add in your blackberries, 1/3 cup of granulated sugar, and 1/2 cup of lemon juice to the skillet.
Using a zester, grate the orange onto the blackberry sizzle happening in the skillet. Don’t have a zester? Jeez. You probably didn’t make sourdough bread during the pandemic, either. KIDDING. Just peel your orange and either squeeze in some juice or put a few peels in the mix. It’s just for some extra citrus
After a few minutes, tbh I never timed it, the whole mixture will become the blackberry color and boil a bit. Once it boils, bring it down to a simmah and let it sit.
PREPARING THE CAKE
FIRST THINGS FIRST; melt your butter and let it cool. The cooler it is, the better the crumbs. Oh, and preheat your oven to 325 degrees
PREPARE THE CAKE:
Sift together 1 ½ cup of flour with the granulated sugar, baking powder and salt
In a separate bowl, whisk together the egg, milk, apple sauce, and oil. Whisk it so it’s nice and frothy
Mix together the egg mix with the flour mix and add in 2 tablespoons of ground cinnamon
PREPARE THE CRUMBS
Place 2 ½ cups of flour in a bowl and add in your brown sugar and 1 tablespoons of ground cinnamon in a bowl
Pour melted butter on top
With a rubber spatula, mix together until large chunks of crumbs form
FINAL STEPS:
Oil and flour your pan. (I suggest one of those small square ones or a round one. Or, you could make crumbcake cupcakes if that’s a pan you have at your disposal. Just not an 8 x 11- it’s too big for this mix and the cake comes out thin and bad)
Pour the cake mixture in and spread it out
Take your blackberry reduction and pour it onto the cake portion before the crumbs. Spread it out nice.
Grab your crumb mix and gently break the mix over the cake to form smaller crumbs. I have fun with this part and make larger crumbs at first, and then fill it in with smaller ones
Pop it in the oven for 25-29 minutes (all of our ovens are different. I have a newer one and I find that 27 minutes is the sweet spot. I just wouldn’t suggest going over 30 minutes)
Take out of the oven, serve warm and add some vanilla ice cream