On Letting Go of What Holds You Back
with an easy and healthy breakfast roll to make for the weekend
WITH SOUL:
You know those moments where you’re nervous to enter a space because it’s awkward to explain where you’ve been?
That’s kind of how I feel right now.
I started this space on the internet with such gusto- knowing in my soul it was the right jump to make.
And, when I was ready to come back, I wasn’t ready to admit why. So, instead, I had a litany of excuses in my drafts about why I disappeared.
“I was busy.”
“I was soul searching.”
“I have this tendency to leap without follow through.”
But, none of that felt authentic because while all of that is true, the entire purpose of this page was to go through the above with you. The real reason I disappeared is that one night at dinner, I was mocked relentlessly for my choices in life. It’s not a new experience ( I could go into detail about many Thanksgivings spent at my Aunts where my cousins would read excerpts of my old blogs in a mocking tone.)
But, I was once again scared of the consequences of me falling in love with a project. For the last few years, every time I’ve made progress in my life, I found myself stepping on a timebomb within my family. “Leanne’s happy and doing well, time to remind her that she’s a disgrace and a pig.” To avoid tangents by someone I love, I pushed aside the things I loved.
That’s the funny thing about love, no? You can love somebody you’re entire life and ignore the inklings that maybe they don’t have your best interest in their heart.
“they’re just honest.”
“they’re just protecting me.”
“they’re right, I should want more.”
And, while that may be true, at some point you have to determine how you want to live your life, without the noise of others telling you that you’re doing it all wrong.
Every time I was inching towards completely forgiving myself, something from my old life was brought up as a way to remind me of where I was. Sometimes, dating as far back as my college days. It was so deeply ingrained in life with these people that I just accepted it as it was; never once questioning if it was as it should be.
I started listening to myself speak and realized just how often I put my accomplishments down. “I know it sounds silly but…” became a lead into so many of my sentences about work, my healing, neural manifestation, my writing, and all the things that fulfill my soul. Why did I think what mattered to me was “silly” when I was in a certain setting?
I minimized myself because I knew my definition of success was vastly different from theirs. In doing so, I internalized this notion that what I do doesn’t matter, so why do it, and allowed that to bleed into my relationships. I minimized myself as a way to avoid being reminded of all the things I’ve done wrong in life. If I didn’t talk about how proud I am of myself, there would be no reason to bring up the ammunition from my past. I fell for this ideology that family could never hurt you, not remembering that they’re just people, too.
At some point, you have to stop looking for the approval of others, take people off the pedestal and instead put yourself on it.
You are not beholden to live your life to other people’s standards, regardless of how close you think you are to them. And, the people who want the best for you will never try and change you.
As a writer, it’s sometimes hard to tell your story because it’s an interpretation of experiences that typically involve others. This has always tethered me; with my novel, with this page, with writing for Thought Catalog- at some point, I pull back the reigns because I am afraid of how it will be interpreted. In writing this newsletter, my hope is that I can start cutting the strings to become untethered.
Two truths can exist- actually, they do exist- but that doesn’t make your experience less true. As a writer, it’s as necessary as oxygen to me to metabolize stories as a way to connect with others. I just can’t be afraid to do so.
Welcome back to Salt, with Soul.
I’m Leanne. A creative storyteller who finds absolute joy in cooking and writing. I’m here to recommit myself to this page. Not because I want to monetize it, but because I want to help normalize the human experience. Cooking helps me think through things so each week, I’m going to share a recipe I’ve enjoyed. I’ve been writing to you weekly, I just haven’t hit publish out of fear. But, I’m tired of being scared and would rather be an unabashed version of myself. All Salt pieces will be accompanied by IPHONE PHOTOS. Yes, I’m a photographer but I love just taking photos as I move through the process without worrying. Salt with Soul will hit your inbox every Monday and you can follow along on Instagram: @salt_withsoul
WITH SALT:
A Breakfast Crescent
This recipe is an interpretation of a breakfast my best friend made for us at Lake George for my 31st birthday. Honestly, you’ve probably seen the Pinterest version of it. But, because I’m “pretty food” challenged and cannot make the big circle crescent for the life of me, I made these individually and with a lot of flavors. They’re bite size and perfect for the weekend.
WHAT YOU’LL NEED:
Crescent Roll tube
4 Eggs
Shredded cheese of your choice (I’m a thicc cut girly)
Turkey Sausage ( I used to the jimmy dean crumbles and flavored them)
Oven at 350
SCRAMBLING THE EGGS:
I know this seems rudimentary, but I cannot emphasize this fact enough: flavor your eggs. I whip my eggs together, add a little milk, and season them like crazy. I love to use garlic salt, pepper and red pepper flakes in my eggs. It’s the metabolism wake me up we all need. When scrambling, make sure to keep them constantly moving so they don’t over cook.
THE SAUSAGE:
I heated up the Jimmy Dean crumbles (we were away upstate so this was just easier) but I did add a little black pepper in there to keep them nice.
PUTTING THE CRESCENT TOGETHER:
lay the crescents out like so and in the middle of the dough put your cheese, a table spoon of eggs, a table spoon of sausage and roll em’ up.
When all of them are complete, pop em’ in the oven at 350 for 10 minutes and enjoy.
They are delicious, healthy and easy! You can substitute the meat with regular sausage or bacon, too.