WITH SOUL
It’s currently 2:56 am and I’m lying diagonally in my bed, Marcos spotted paws have fallen over my legs, and his gentle snores are the only other noise in my room, separate from the light tapping on my iPhone. My heart is buzzing and my mind is racing. It’s an excitement and inspiration I haven’t felt in a long time.
I participated in my first craft fair today. The irony that for the last two years, I’ve helped organize the largest craft/festival on Long Island, and yet today was monumental in my books, is not lost on me. For the first time in my life, I saw my work in front of me. People appreciated my prints, and for pulling it all together in a week, I am damn proud of myself.
I’ve lamented this in many ways over the last few months, but this year has highlighted that there’s been something missing in my life. I have not been categorically unhappy, on the contrary, this has been one of my favorite years in a long time. I would argue that this year is one of the first years in a long time where I no longer stress about "the shoe dropping", and I finally feel free of my own anxiety from the trauma I've experienced and worked through. In fact, I think this year is one rooted in my life evolving to the next phase, the early thirties, which is the reason I was able to say “I love where everything is headed, except there’s something missing.”
It's been hard to highlight "why" I felt like I needed a shift in my life. It's hard to explain to those around you, that in finding what it means to have a fulfilled life your previous choices don't align with your current life.
Since September 2020, I have photographed just under 200 sessions. That averages out to 4 weekends to me. 8 days. 192 hours all to myself. That's only four weekends to see family, friends, and their babies. That's only eight days to write, go on photography adventures, take Marco off-roading, and do the things that fulfill my soul. And, what I have failed to say out loud is: that's not the life I want anymore. I want to bake cookies with my cousins, and see Santa with Dan's nephews. I want to see my prints in front of me, on a closed-down street with a 70-foot tree in a village that is eerily reminiscent of Stars Hallow. I want to sit on my couch and get lost in writing or drawing. I want to launch a better print shop with my own designs on my website... oh wait, I did that this weekend😉 I want to stop scaling down my value and move forward with the utmost intention.
The dust in my life settled on urgency in 2020 and I needed those 200 sessions. I needed those 30 weddings to fall in love with love again. I needed those 50 family sessions to see that through the tears, and bribery, life is these little smiles and big hearts. I needed the milestone event work, like baby showers, to see that unless we really click, that's not going to be the right environment for me. I needed the commercial work to see that photography can be so much more than Instagram tells us. And, I needed yesterday to see that I am an artist, and I have so many stories to tell.
If 2022 taught us all anything, it's that we have to look past the walls in front of us. Life will always have obstacles and we have to remember that our starting line does not define us. We were each handed different cards at the beginning of our lives, the puzzle of our destiny only coming together as we make choices, and as long as we are making the choices that most align with what our soul is craving, we're following our path. Would it be easier to cry about our own perceived shortcomings? Probably. But, I'd rather look past the shortcomings, the walls we put up around ourselves, and run through them.
If your thoughts become things, focus your thoughts on pushing through your own way and knowing that you are entitled to the life you always dreamed of.
WITH SALT:
The holiday spirit must be reaching me because I am feeling generous today. No lie, I have been asked for this recipe for over ten years. Many have tried to recreate it, but no one has figured out all the seasonings. This pink sauce has a cute origin story. My dad used to make it for Christmas with chicken and penne ala vodka. I watched him make it one year, and feeling brazen, I added in my own seasonings... let's just say he took credit when everyone loved it. But, I never told him, even when he asked for it to use at the restaurant, what I added that Christmas.
Unfortunately, I forgot to take a photo of it this week when I cooked it for Dan, but if there's one thing I love about this newsletter, it's certainly not curated, haha.
LEANNE'S FAMOUS PINK SAUCE
INGREDIENTS:
(1) 29 oz can of Hunt's Tomato Sauce
(1) 16 oz container of Heavy Cream
1/2 cup of fresh mozzarella
1/3 cup asiago cheese
3 tablespoons of red pepper
2 tablespoons of salt
2 tablespoons of pepper
2 tablespoons of parsley
4-6 leaves of fresh basil
1 tablespoon of rosemary
STEPS:
In a medium saucepan, put your tomato sauce in over Medium heat. Stir the tomato sauce and let it warm up for about 3 minutes and then add in your heavy cream and stir vigorously until blended with a wooden spoon. Cover the sauce and let it heat up for about 5 minutes. After five minutes, add in 1 1/2 tablespoons of red pepper flakes, 1 tablespoon of salt, pepper, parsley, rosemary and 3 leaves of fresh basil. Stir in the spices and let the sauce sit. Right before you serve, add in the remainder of the ingredients (including the cheese!) stir and then bring the heat down to ultra-low to prevent burning. I serve this dish over tortellini but you can choose the pasta of your dreams.