My grandfather died on April 4, 2006. By the time I found out, it was April 5th, 2006 and in the midst of my grief I said “Of course he died 4.5.06”. That’s the type of man my grandfather was: precise, and purposeful. With him, everything had meaning.
Eighteen years later, and I feel closer to my grandfather than ever before. I’m writing this from his desk: to my left is his copy of a cookbook from 1954, and on a shelf to my right are his ashes. I found “him” two years ago in the back of a closet at my childhood home. I called my mom to tell her and she said “oh, that’s where I left him.” like it was lost earring or book- but, to her it was- after all “he” is not in that box. His spirit is alive and among us, trust me I know.
About once a fiscal quarter I have a dream that lands me in his home in Bellrose, New York- or, at least how I remember that home. He moved out when I was four or so and my only recollection of that day is that my father slipped me a sleeve of small powdered donuts that I delicately ate in the foyer on a credenza. I once described the home in my dreams to my mom and she said “that’s exactly it.” so I know he brings me there for visits. In the dream we talk about life, or things that are troubling me. Sometimes, I walk around the house and see other lost relatives. I’m never allowed in the kitchen though- apparently, my maternal grandmother is in there, and according to folklore, her and I wouldn’t have gotten along. Since 2021, the visits always involve my lost dog, Moo. I have my own house of spirits, and I love it there.
A week before our wedding, I couldn’t find Marco. It was 3 a.m., and Marco never leaves our room at night. When I finally found him upstairs, he was staring intently at my Grandfather’s ashes. I asked him to come back to bed but he didn’t move. He was entranced. I left quietly, knowing that whatever was happening, it wasn’t for me. Earlier that day, I tried on my wedding dress to find out it was too big. I cried on my bedroom floor. After falling back asleep, Moo met me in Bellrose and brought me to my Aunt Jackie, my grandfathers daughter and first to join him, who was sewing straps over my mom’s shoulder- the next morning, my mom called to tell me she had an idea- “we’ll make straps out of the scraps!” So we did, and my mom sewed them beautifully. It could have been a coincidence, but I have a feeling she was nudged.
If this all seems “woo-woo” to you, I would understand. It does to me, too. I have had three psychics tell me I have a “gift”, and maybe one day I’ll learn to tap into it more. For now, I’m okay with visiting my house of spirits and having a strong intuition.
I find comfort in knowing that I’m never really alone. I believe in the Universe, and God, so why not believe in spirits, too? Life is long, we have to believe in something.
In many ways, I believe that the genesis of Salt, with Soul is from my Grandfather. The name came to me at 3 a.m., and not five hours later, I heard about “Substack” for the first time. He was nudging me- Giving me reason to make memories in the kitchen, again.
While I have wonderful moments with his spirit, one of my favorite memories of my Grandfather is when he was alive. We were in his tiny kitchen in Elmont when he challenged me to make as many words as I could from the word “PLANETS”. I sat at his round, mahogany kitchen table with a pen and paper for at least an hour until I was ready to present it to him. I showed him my list and he was left flabbergasted: I had 69 words, he only had 50. It was one of those rare occasions where someone beat him, and I could tell he was so proud.
My grandfather was always teaching me. After raising five daughters to be independent and strong, he had one last girl to raise: me. And, I’m the most fiery out of all of them.
From gardening, to learning the inside of a car motor, to cooking, his purpose in life was to educate. He was always handing me books, and he instilled in me the importance of trying, learning, and becoming better. It’s why I’m as curious as I am. It’s why it’s hard for me to settle on one “niche”, really. Why pigeon-hole yourself, when there’s an entire world out there to learn about. To this day, I can instinctively know how to solve a problem, especially in the kitchen, and that stems from those sixteen years with him.
As I do every year on April 4th, I’ve made a list of words from the word “PLANETS”
Before scrolling down, I hope you’ll grab a pen and paper to see how many words you can create. No duplicates, but you can use plurals. It’s not about winning, or beating my record- it’s about taking time to sharpen your brain, think outside the box, and unplug for a little while. You might surprise yourself. Make sure to comment how many you get, if you try.
If you enjoy my writing, perhaps you’ll consider joining my party in the corner and becoming a free or paid subscriber. Social media can be shut down instantly, but e-mail subscribers are more of a commitment. Just know that if you become a subscriber, I take a screenshot and send it to Dan with the “eyes-welling” emoji because each new “like” is a glimmer of my dreams for the future.