I remember the day when I declared that “Our Wedding wouldn’t be my identity”, oh- that poor, naïve version of Leanne. How could she think she would plan this little life event without putting some projects on hold?
I did this cute Leanne thing where I put too much on my plate, thinking this untraditional wedding would be untraditional and “not” time-consuming: oh, how wrong I was. Fortunately, we’re about 75% finished, but I’ve been approaching life like a shuffleboard: adjusting priorities based on the day and giving myself grace if I don’t get it all done.
One of the projects I was determined to complete before our wedding was re-imagining my 2021 Poetry Book. Did it have to be done? Probably not. However, I needed to see this from start to finish and hold myself accountable. The feeling of entering a marriage and being responsible to someone else is not spoken about enough, to be honest. There have been many times in my life when I let myself down. Where I haven’t held myself accountable to my dreams or goals. I quit on myself because it was easier.
When I decided to “rest” my photography business and focus more on writing a few months ago, I feared that I was repeating the pattern of giving up on myself. In my gut, I know I made the right decision, of course. We’re operating at such a better frequency these days, you know? Even knowing and trusting this decision, it became paramount to me to re-publish this book to affirm that all my choices will secure a bright, fantastic future for us, The Tolmans.
Last week, the author's copy of my Poetry Book was delivered, and I just about cried my eyes out. Seeing how beautiful it is in person made it all worth it.
I initially published Seasons: A Collection of Poetry in 2021, using my poems from 2018-2020. It chronicled a period of my life that covered divorce, rediscovery of self, and falling in love again. In August 2023, I re-read it and felt it needed “more”: poems and more ways for readers to connect with themselves. I’m not the next Poet Laureate, but this book was never about that. It was always about finding expression when Journaling didn’t work. It was about taking the experiences and giving them meaning. We all need a safe place to house our experiences, and that’s what this new version of Seasons: A Collection of Poetry and Journal to Healing is. I’ve re-written poems, added new ones, and made this book a journal. Even more, I created affirmations and journal prompts in case you get stuck.
The book’s official release will be next Friday, March 8th, 2024, as well as my 34th Birthday and National Women Empowerment Day. Oh, and it’s also the release date of Kung Fu Panda 4, so it’s a big day all around. While I was so proud to publish this book three years ago, I know this version will be even more special.
This saying always goes around the internet about how we should celebrate women accomplishing things other than babies and engagements. While I get the gist of the sentiment, we can celebrate it all!
So, let’s get into our little Wedding Chat, shall we?
A box on the Marriage License has tripped me up for the last two weeks titled “Surname After Marriage.”
What would you do? Did you change your name? Keep it legally? Pull a Leanne from 2016 and change it on socials, but never legally? Sound off in the comments- I need all the help I can get on this decision.
To read more about why this decision is conflicting, consider subscribing or upgrading to paid :)
This “Martini Monologue” is for paid subscribers. To continue reading, consider updating your subscription. Your support helps me get one step closer to becoming a freelance writer, but more importantly, it helps pay for Marco’s Lamb Chop addiction.
It’s decision time: Do I change my last name, become more connected to Dan and maybe a future child, or do I stay the same since there’s momentum behind “Gelish”?
I mean, hell- I have a URL, for god’s sake. I don’t know.
But what does that mean for my identity?
As a woman, I struggle with the idea that I will change my name to become an entirely new “person.” Leanne Tolman doesn’t exist in the world yet. Leanne Gelish has been here for almost 34 years. It took years for Leanne Gelish to be comfortable in her skin: am I giving up on her if I change my name?
What if Leanne Tolman becomes too different from Leanne Gelish? If I become “Tolman,” will I lose myself and all the goals I’m pursuing? Will I become a sad version of a woman who morphs into a wife and lets go of her life?
Funny enough, I had a completely different approach in my first marriage.
I changed my name professionally and on all social media. I even changed the name of my Photography business to match. I was committed to convincing the world that it was all sunshine and rainbows. I was a traditional wife and assimilated my entire life to being his.
Except, I always kept it the same legally. By the time we got married, he had cheated twice, and my gut said “no” to changing it. This also isn’t to bash my ex. Last week, he proved wildly helpful when he agreed to send me the original divorce decree for my marriage license. To my friend's point, “Well, he’s been re-married since three months after your divorce, so it’s not like he needs it!” But still, if it weren’t for his actions, who knows where I’d be, so I count it all as a blessing.
So, what’s a girl to do?
My best friend said Monday, “This all feels different this time. You feel different and more assured.”
Not to get too mushy, but I am different. I am confident. I trust myself. I feel secure in what I’m working toward- even when I feel stuck or discouraged.
Much of that comes from the work I’ve done to improve, which comes from having a life partner who believes in you and respects your choices. I have someone in my life who I can talk to, gain insight from, and who trusts my decisions undoubtedly.
So, if it’s all different this time, why not change my name? If a man with the last name “Tolman” is a safe space for me, wouldn’t being a Tolman only elevate that energy?
We’ll get our marriage license on March 8th, giving me a few more days to consider this. My gut says, “Change it legally; keep Gelish professional.” After all, I rue for the day I become a New York Times Best Selling Author, and all the paternal family members quake because they don’t know me. Revenge can be sweet.
As always, I’m grateful you’re here! We’re celebrating my bachelorette party this weekend, and I cannot wait to write a recap! I’ll see you all next week to continue our February theme: “La Vie En Rose”