Happy Tuesday, friends.
I was feeling off yesterday, and didn’t think writing was the right direction to get me back to center. So, instead, I spent the day just thinking. There’s such a power in allowing your mind to wander, and you never truly know what you’ll unearth.
During my day of mindlessness, the idea of “freedom” kept coming back to me. I’ve always had this tunnel vision of what “freedom” looks like. In my twenties, “Freedom” meant not being chained to a desk, or stuck on a train to commute. “Freedom” meant spending my days in a way that best suited me. “Freedom” meant not having to report to anyone.
And, to be honest, I had a lot of that in my early twenties. I deferred a job to travel with the Dave Matthews Band right out of college. Then, I took a job where I was the boss, and had a lot of freedom there. My most freeing time was when I moved back to Long Island at 24, and worked as a waitress at my dads restaurant. I spent my mornings with my dog, Moo, my afternoons at Long Beach, writing and riding my bike, and I spent my nights mindlessly serving people filet mignons and wedge salads.
Of course, there was a period of in between where I felt suffocated, and craved that early twenties lifestyle, but today, that is not what freedom means to me.
But, if it doesn’t mean what it used to, what does it mean then?
I thought about this for most of the afternoon. In some way, I wanted a concrete definition of what “freedom” is. “I will come to Salt with Soul with a profound realization.” I thought to myself.
And, then something profound did happen. I watched the birds from our upper window fight against the windy first day of spring. I listened to them chirp from our balcony, and watched the cardinals follow me and the pups on our afternoon walk. On this brisk, brink of spring day, those birds could have been anywhere in the world, and yet, they were perfectly happy to call our apartment complex their home.
When we returned home, I grabbed my iPad, opened procreate and just let my mind be free. In its freedom, we landed here:
We define “freedom” as something we do not have because we do not trust that we can actually have it. We believe freedom is a certain lifestyle or threshold we create, but in actuality- it’s none of those things.
Freedom is trust.
The ultimate freedom is trusting yourself enough to follow your path, make mistakes, fall, get back up, and keep the vision of how you want your life to look at the forefront of every decision. The ultimate freedom is remembering that even in the bad streaks, there is always good on the other side. Freedom is a deep sense of knowing that how you visualize your life will come true, as long as you chip away at that goal everyday. Freedom isn’t lying on a beach free of responsibilities: it’s lying on the beach because you trusted yourself to handle your responsibilities.
And, if freedom is trust, then I am the most free I have ever been.
JOURNAL PROMPT OF THE WEEK:
If freedom is trust, I trust myself to achieve__________________________________
Honestly, I wish I asked myself this on those dark, overnight tour bus moments instead of quietly being insecure about my looks or weight. Oh, twenty-something Leanne- I love how awkward you were.
I’ll go first:
If freedom is trust, I trust myself to achieve creating multiple streams of income for myself through Love Yourself Space, and writing. I trust myself to preserve my passion by creating alternate revenue and not having to rely so heavily on saying “yes” to every photography job, which caused me to burn out almost to extinction. I trust myself to build a community rooted in love and empowerment. I trust myself to call in my dream photography clients, and work collaboratively in trust and vision.
Now, your turn. Think of what you’re most afraid of failing at, and change the word “failing” to “trust”. Watch how your mindset will change.
As always, I’m so grateful for your support. No one cheeses harder than I do when this newsletter comes up in conversation. Writing consistently again has opened up so many closed doors in my brain, like allowing me to doodle freely and write poetry, so thank you for opening this and reminding me that people actually like this spot on the internet.
We’ll be back on Thursday for some Salt, and for paid subscribers, we’ll be back Friday with a Friday Finds.
You can follow me on Instagram: LeanneGelish or Loveyourselfspace
Oh, and our little etsy shop has some new drops! I love this new batch way more than the first one, but I’m keeping it all active because I like the growth. The “Allow Yourself to Grow” sticker is getting a lot of traction, but I’m partial to its sweatshirt. Check it all out here. You can be part of the community I trust myself to build :)
Oh, and one more thing. I’m still tweaking leannegelish.com but I was reminded last night that I once had a print shop on that corner of the internet. And, it’s back! All prints are high res downloads and are great for gallery walls. I have a feeling once I figure out how to use this Kodak film developer thinger I bought, there’s going to be some really incredible things added to that store. My creative little world is only growing, friends.