With Soul: The Road to Self-Love is Paved with Good Intentions
It's messy and not always clear... but, it's worth it.
Happy Monday, friends.
Full transparency: I’m struggling with our introduction today. There’s vulnerability then there’s emotional dumping- and, each introduction I write tethers the line a little too closely.
Like so many, I have struggled with self-love since puberty. For women especially, it’s no secret that comparison, body dysmorphia, and this desperate need to fit in, are at the forefront for most of our teenage years. Leading us to abandon who we think we are for who we think people want us to be. In many ways, it’s an assumed right of passage- but, it shouldn’t be. In fact, while I think an awkward stage adds necessary grit, I genuinely worry about what this looks like now with social media and filters that make us look perfect.
For me, somewhere along the way, I adopted the Fat Amy Approach to Life: if I put everything out there, you couldn’t hurt me. And, while it’s a formidable defense mechanism, the truth is, while others aren’t hurting you, you are hurting you.
You get to this place where you don’t even see yourself anymore. All you see is the darkness you’re putting out there, and it becomes suffocating.
When I finally asked for a divorce all those years ago, it was because I wasn’t happy. Not just in my marriage, but in all of my choices. At that point, I was so accustomed to carrying this weight and fraudulence, I began to suffocate from my own deflections. I brought this into the marriage and assumed if I had an “Instagram-Worthy” life, I’d stumble upon some self-love along the way.
Oh, how I deceived myself. Fortunately, this feeling of “more” overcame me, and I used it as my mantra. “When I get out of this, I will use my pain and lessons to help others. I will be free to live authentically myself, and I will never allow anyone, including myself, to dim my light.”
This is still my mantra, and it’s taken me to new moments of “up-leveling”. It’s not always easy, but the more I listen to my instinct, the more fun consistency, patience, and digging deeper into my own “why” it all becomes.
We are so disillusioned to believe that toxic positivity is the only way to self-love, and I’m here to tell you it’s not.
The road to true self-love is not whimsical or easy.
It is practiced consistency and commitment.
Self-love is giving yourself permission to fail, stumble and try again.
Self-love is not all rainbows and butterflies all the time- it’s digesting what is hard, setting boundaries, and being learning it’s okay to not be okay.
Self-love, to truly love yourself, is to forgive yourself when you return to old habits that no longer serve you. Self-love is living in those habits for shorter amounts of time because the new habits you formed are so much more to you.
Self-Love is giving yourself permission to feel, and not always pressuring yourself to “do it all.”
The journey to loving yourself is not Instagram-able, although all of us will try to make it be.
It is confusing, disorienting, and there are plenty of moments where you're just not yourself. If you’re feeling discomfort, trust the process and know you’re growing.
That is all part of the journey to find your way.
Self-love is not a face mask or temporary fix. It is a lifetime of learning to accept and embrace all the pieces of you; good, bad, and ugly.
To love yourself is to remember your worth, even when it's hard.
To love yourself is to release the shame you carry, all to allow yourself to make more room to accept yourself as you are, and work on the things you can change.
To love yourself is to find softness in yourself when life is heavy or difficult.
To love yourself is to look in the mirror and counter the deepest insecurity with something good.
To love yourself is to continue to try and to know that each crossroad is part of your journey.
You can’t manifest a great life if you’re the one putting the negativity about yourself out there. It’s one thing to be transparent and honest about things in your life- no one, and I mean no one has it all together- those negative things in your life do not define you. You define yourself. How you speak about your situations defines you.
This week, I want you to pay close attention to how you speak- both to yourself, in your journal, and to others. If you want a big life, then your self-talk has to be consistent across the board.
Speak to the universe, friends. She’s waiting for you.
As always, I’m grateful you’re here.
You can find my poetry book on Amazon
You can find fun Salt, with Soul Merch Here
You can follow me here or SWS here.
This week’s Salt will be coming to you on Friday. I am visiting a friend in Philadelphia for a few days as we wait for her daughter, Luna, to be born. Luna has a life-threatening birth defect known as Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia, and her parents and doctors are doing everything they can to give this little girl the best opportunities. You can learn more and donate to her story here.
xx,
L