With Soul: You Won't Get Full on Crumbs
and, neither will your relationships. Start saying "no".
Happy Tuesday, that’s really a Monday, friends.
We spent our Memorial Day in Greenport, at our friend’s condo that sits on the edge of a cliff. Down a wooden set of steep stairs is a rocky north shore beach, with some of the most clean water I’ve ever seen on Long Island.
Our days were easy and independent from one another. Each of us doing what we needed to recharge from our often too busy daily lives. For me, that meant an early morning stroll on the beach with Marco and Penny, letting them explore, swim, and be free of their leashes. After feeding them, I’d enjoy the quiet morning on the deck, overlooking the Long Island Sound, with clear skies that made it possible to see the details of the homes across the way in Connecticut. I’d watch as sandpipers glided through the sky, and even watched a bunny quite literally sunbath in the early morning rays. In the afternoon, I’d leave the pups in the condo and go to the beach to read some more, occasionally just closing my eyes, breathing in the brine-filled air, trying to savor the smell, the calm, for another moment when I might need it.
On Sunday, we went to our nephew’s 2nd birthday party, and then to our friend’s annual Summer Opener- In a proud auntie moment, my niece put her shoes on (almost) by herself and we did guided walking laps around the backyard for a solid half hour. It’s such a privilege to have a front-row seat to her life, and I love seeing how independent, smart and determined she already is.
Life becomes so chaotic, but I’m grateful I was able to slow it down, if only for a few days.
There are so many moments within our days where we give ourselves crumbs.
We are working towards a deadline,
We are tidying up the house/apartment,
We have to take care of ________ and _______ and___________,
On, and on, and on the list goes.
By the time the to-do list is finished, we are drained of any energy we would need to get to the things that matter to us.
We give ourselves crumbs.
We give our relationships crumbs.
We unintentionally take advantage of the people closest to us, in pursuit of… what, exactly?
Why are we conditioned to believe that tasks and things are more important than ourselves and our relationships?
Instead, why aren’t we conditioned to believe in balance?
To-do lists are important, I’m staring at mine now, but we should start putting our goals, our hobbies, and our happy places on that list, too.
It’s not that we don’t have time, it’s that we don’t prioritize our time. We are conditioned to believe that not spreading ourselves too thin is selfish and that we should say “yes” to every opportunity.
Ambition is not defined by people-pleasing.
Success is not defined by your busy schedule.
Your relationships will not survive if you just phone it in.
Your life will never be full if you try and survive on crumbs.
Let’s start conditioning ourselves to say “no”, and instead do less with more intention.
We are not here to be mentally drained, devoid of motivation, and absent from our lives.
We are here to experience life, be present, impact lives, and do what makes US happy- however, that looks.
Life is long, give yourself permission to re-invent your happiness. It is not selfish to prioritize yourself- it makes you a better version of yourself, a more fulfilled version.
JOURNAL PROMPT OF THE WEEK
This week, let’s focus on what is in your control and how you could give yourself whole pieces, instead of crumbs.
In what ways do I deplete myself and run myself into the ground?
As always, I’ll go first. (this always feels deeply vulnerable, for the record. But, I’m grateful we have a safe space here)
I deplete myself when I try to do everything.
I’ve made no secret of the burnout I’ve recovered from, and now, saying “no” is so powerful. In many ways, it feels like I don’t exactly know what’s next, but within that grey area is the limitless possibility- and, that’s what motivates me to continue to say “no” to anything that doesn’t serve me. I do not want to give myself, or my relationships, crumbs again.
Now, it’s your turn. Free yourself, friends.
I’m so grateful you’re here. One year later, I have somehow fallen more in love with this space.
Full transparency, I gave myself crumbs last week, which is why there was no salt. I had an after-work event every night, so cooking was more about sustenance than the beautiful act of cooking. This week is lighter, though.
Feel free to visit our Salt, with Soul Shop- although, I do believe the aprons are sold out. Womp. I’ll work on that. My goal is to do a new drop monthly, and just create a space where you can be soulful and sassy. Who said it’s mutually exclusive, right?
We’ll see you Thursday for a little bit of Salt.