I hated Tuesday’s post.
I pulled punches.
I extracted the vulnerability.
I wrote like I was afraid of what people would say, instead of being the person who say’s it anyway.
Except, how would I know any differently when that’s how I’ve been living lately.
I have been living like the passive aggressive “thumbs up” reaction on a text message: I wasn’t saying much, but I was acknowledging what you said.
I can’t pinpoint when this happened- although I’m guessing it started in 2020 when I yearned for peace and did not react to any of the domestic terrorism my ex-husband put me through. Unscheduled visits, refusing to help pack up the house, nasty text messages, the list goes on- I accepted it because I just wanted out.
And, then this continued at a new job, where my spirit, ideas, and can-do attitude became an item of contention. Every. single. new. idea. that came out of my brain was met with a negative. I was plucky, sure. I had/have plenty to learn, absolutely. But, I was living in a space where two truths were not allowed to exist. And, so despite myself, I pulled back.
From there, this toxic placidity leaked into my friendships and familial relationships where I allowed people to disrespect me, my boundaries and all I worked for because… well, fuck- I don’t even know why.
As outlined in every whining post lately, I’ve spent so much of this year “looking inward” and “finding what I did wrong”, and “working towards peace” but what I created was a shell of myself. I became an aesthetic. I wrote like an aesthetic. I treated my Instagram like an aesthetic. I am not an aesthetic! I am not a trending Tuesday girlie!
I am a woman terrified of frogs, who likes to imagine these little fuckers gathering at the mushrooms like its’ a bar, having a kiki over which human they terrorized that day.
I am a woman who finds her idiosyncratic dog to be the most entertaining soul in this world.
I am a woman who loves to drive her Wrangler off road, who curses, who loves to observe people and create narratives.
I am a woman who loves to read, who absolutely loves to be alone, and finds calm at the beach.
I am a woman who loves to wear a fat suit and pretend to be a 65 year old woman named Loretta Russo and make Instagram reels.
I am a woman who loves photography, and hosting Love Yourself Sessions.
I am a multi-faceted person who has been scared to share all the sides that make me, me.
I am an empath, and I am also loud.
I am disco ball: a lot of little pieces make me shine.
I wrote on Tuesday about trust, and thinking about why someone should trust you.
Well friends- here’s why you can trust me.
I am a writer, photographer and amateur cook who’s purpose in life is to empower you to see the best in yourself. As a photographer, I accomplish that through my signature “Love Yourself Sessions”. As a writer, I accomplish that through metabolizing my experiences.
I created Salt with Soul to be your internets kitchen. In my experience, the kitchen is where the soul lives- The place where you grab a glass of wine, sit at the table, and talk openly about life. And, that’s what Salt with Soul is. A place where we can cook easy, delicious meals, while normalizing the parts of life we’re too afraid to talk about.
My mission at Salt with Soul is to destigmatize cooking as a chore, and destigmatize “healing”, “self love” and “boundaries” as an aesthetic. Simply put, let’s celebrate the authentic, messy, little moments in between that make life so beautiful.
This isn’t a food blog where you’ll need that one, weirdly expensive ingredient or nineteen hours to prepare a meal. This a place where we learn to use what we have, enjoy what’s in front of us, and feel a little less alone along the way.
You can trust me because I’m not afraid to get vulnerable with you.
Cheers to a new chapter, friends.
A chapter where we write with fire,
share with gusto,
cook with passion,
and live with authenticity.
Thanks for sticking with me; I’m grateful you’re still here.
You don't need to worry about coming across as an aesthetic -- you are AUTHENTIC and trust me, that shines in your content. It always has, in my most humble opinion. I'm glad you're recognizing it!
This is your space - you've opened the door for us to join you, to sit at your table, to share life with you. You get to do whatever you want here because it's yours. Don't. Hold. Back. Be vulnerable. Be raw. Be YOU. Because YOU, my friend, are a fantastic woman who has many wonderful qualities. Thank you for sharing this with us!